The Secret Socialite: How to look and feel sexy after 60

"40 is the new 30!", we were told, back in the Sixties, in the first stirrings of female emancipation. How bold that declaration sounded to our mothers in their pointy bras and stiff helmet hair.

Only a few decades later, now in our "Hello Boys!" push-up wonder bras and honey-hued “Rachel” hair, we heard that 50 is the new 30.

And a few years ago, in our seamless athleisure sports bra and a full head of extensions for those luscious mermaid locks, Forbes magazine and others dared to proclaim that 60 is now the new 30.

Yet at the same time, the cult of youth is as strong as ever, and still synonymous with beauty, desirability and full-blooded sexuality.

Magazines and billboards are full of images of bright-eyed and dewy-skinned young things, and even their young faces and bodies are airbrushed to avatar-like perfection. Bella Hadid and Emily Ratajkowski do not exactly look like their photoshopped selves in real life.

Yet this is what we are presented with as role-models for hotness in the Age of Instagram, where unrealistic youthful appearances are everything.

“Older” women, on the other hand, are relegated to smiling wanly as they advertise for haemorrhoid medication or family-sized chicken tikka masala frozen dinners.

And to add insult to injury, while a greying male is a sexy silver fox, a greying female is either irrelevant or completely invisible.

Ageing has never been an issue for men. They are cast as plausible Hollywood romantic leads well into their fifties and sixties, opposite 20- and 30-year-old women.

Remember when Olivia Wilde played Justin Timberlake’s mother in the movie In Time, ironically a world where time is all-important. She was three years older than him in real life.

Could all this be explained by biology, because like Picasso, de Niro and Pacino, men can still father children naturally, well into their eighties? Female fertility, on the other hand, declines more speedily after 37, and that is usually when a woman is considered “old”.

Happily, it does not have to be this way and society is beginning to change. In the last ten years, there has been huge progress in medical and scientific research into ageing and longevity.

With a holistic approach to eating the right diet, a disciplined exercise regime, and most importantly, a focused mental attitude, we can, biohacking experts believe, all live to at least 120, and stay in great shape too.

There is no need to be a slave to our chronological age. We can enjoy ageless health and well-being.

Look at Liz Hurley, Halle Berry, Julia Roberts, Jane Fonda: all spectacular women above 37. What do they all have in common? They always look like they are enjoying their lives and having fun.

They and many others coming to the fore are living proof that embracing your age and maximising the woman that is you is possible at every age. As the old joke goes, it’s not about the years in your life, but the life in your years. It is about rejoicing in life, however old you might be.

So how can you kick-start yourself into being a golden goddess, irrespective of age?

Like everything in life, self-love is not dependent on the external world: it starts in your own mind. As every self-help book says, self-love is always at the root of well-being.

Learn to let go of your demons and other things in your life that are not serving you and do not make you happy. Start meditating and taking time out for yourself. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Think about how your ideal self looks and feels and work to become that person.

Jennifer Lopez recently said that she has finally reached a point in life where she accepts and loves her body, her voice, her choices and even her mistakes, because it made her who she is today.

Admittedly, we don’t all look like J Lo, but there is something to finally being at peace with the woman that you are, celebrating the past and looking forward to the future while living very much in the today.

Clearly this does not happen over night. It is a daily practise, but everyday brings you closer to being and feeling like the best version of yourself.

What makes you feel sexy? Is it wearing high heels and a short skirt? Is it swishing your freshly washed hair as you sashay into a hot new bar? Or a spritz of perfume that reminds you of happy times? And who doesn’t love a little boogie in the bedroom to your favourite soundtrack?

Become more conscious of what turns you on. How do you feel, and more importantly, how do you want to feel? It’s all in your control.

It is normal to fear change. It is the fear of loss. But with loss comes gain and the opportunity to redefine who and what you want to be.

You may no longer have a perfectly wrinkle-free face, but look at those cheekbones you gained by losing a bit of puppy fat. You may no longer be the young, innocent ingénue, but look at the alluring, experienced and sexy woman you have now become.

The only alternative to getting older is, frankly, not getting old and dying instead. Getting older means choosing to live a full life with gratitude for all that the world offers, rejoicing in life’s rich tapestry, and being and feeling the best that you can.

Now that is sexy!

This is not about getting extreme plastic surgery to try and recapture how you looked when you were 25. This is unachievable and you are liable to end up looking like an older and weirder version of yourself.

As Chanel famously said, “Nothing makes a woman look as old as trying desperately to look young.”

Rather, it is about maintaining a youthful approach to life: be curious, be playful, say yes, experiment and explore.

Don’t succumb to the death-march of the latest Netflix box-set series. Open your windows, go out, try fresh experiences, meet new people. Trying new things will keep you young.

Youthfulness is not just skin deep. It’s about celebrating a vibrant energy at every age.

There are no shortcuts here. All the research clearly shows the benefits to both body and mind of being more active.

Find a form of exercise that you love, whether it’s kickboxing, pilates, lifting weights at the gym or tango-dancing, and commit to doing it at least three times a week.

Your body will be flooded with endorphins, the hormones that are released when you exercise and which give you a positive and energetic lease on life.

This is not vanity: learning to love the image you see in the mirror is key to taking pride in yourself.

Buy that luxurious body lotion and use it regularly to smooth and soften your skin. Take that extra time to blow-dry your hair so it falls exactly as you like it. Put on your favourite expensive dress: don’t save it for “best”. Clothes are bought to be loved and worn.

Enjoy smiling back at that happy person in the mirror that is you.

If you don’t know how to give yourself an orgasm, how can you expect a man to? Staggeringly, 15 per cent of women have never had an orgasm. And only 30 per cent of women can orgasm through penetrative sex.

Become more aware of what turns you on. Take the time to know your body and what it takes to make it sing. Learn to become comfortable with your sexuality, and don’t pretend to be satisfied with sub-par sex.

You can read all about how I got my mojo back post divorce, and how I learned to accept myself and enjoy the best sex of my life in my racy novel, Naked in Mayfair.

Go girl! Don’t let yourself be defined by your chronological age. Whether you’re 40, 50, or more, it’s never too late. Life is so definitely now.