How to cope with dating app fatigue
BY Kelley Nele
9th Jul 2023 Dating & Relationships
Dating apps can be overwhelming, and it's not uncommon to experience burnout. Kelley Nele explores the symptoms and treatment for dating app fatigue
We all start off bright-eyed and hopeful when we first install our dating apps and set up our profiles. But, after a while, the endless swiping, ghosting, and multiple failed “talking stages” can take a toll on our mental health.
Many of us are familiar with the term burnout. If you haven’t experienced occupational burnout, I’m willing to bet that you’ve experienced dating or dating app burnout/fatigue.
"The endless swiping, ghosting, and multiple failed 'talking stages' can take a toll on our mental health"
HelpGuide defines regular burnout as, “a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands.”
As the stress continues, you start to lose the motivation that led you to take on the role in the first place.
Dating apps can be exhausting
The consequences of burnout are reduced productivity and energy, leaving you feeling increasingly helpless, hopeless, cynical, and resentful.
Dating app fatigue is similar. Much like regular burnout, dating app fatigue has signs and symptoms, stages, and treatments.
Dating app fatigue symptoms
Signs of dating app fatigue;
- Pressure to keep swiping: You may not be having the best of luck finding a suitable partner, and as a result you feel the urge to take a break from dating apps. Despite this authentic and wise response, you continue to swipe and go on dates because you feel like you have to. Taking a break may mean giving up, disappointing impatient parents, or dealing with your loneliness.
- Loss of motivation: Despite the several matches you have at your disposal, you may lack the motivation to start or continue conversations or make plans to meet up.
- Low self worth: The countless failed talking stages may make you start to question whether you’re destined to find love. This may manifest as being hard on yourself and/or constantly seeking out and applying dating app hacks to get better matches.
- Exhaustion: You may feel like you have to swipe continuously in order to get better matches. Or, you may have a sea of matches that demand your attention. After a while the endless swiping and texting can cause you to skip essential parts of your daily routine (eg, eating) which will eventually take a toll on you mentally or physically.
- Hopelessness: You may feel resentful and as if the effort that you put in isn’t producing the results you desire. As a result of your resentment you may feel as though continuing to use dating apps isn’t worth the effort.
Treating the problem
Regular burnout is cured using the Three Rs approach: recognise, reverse, and resilience.
Logging off for a while could help
The Three Rs approach is also useful when it comes to dating app fatigue. Here’s how you can use it to cure your dating app fatigue:
- Recognise: See the paragraph on the signs of dating app fatigue.
- Reverse: If you’re starting to feel burnout from using the apps and going out on dates, take a break from it all. You don’t have to delete your accounts or even delete the apps from your phone. Turn off your notifications and take a 30 day (or more) hiatus from the apps. What have you been neglecting since you started obsessing over dating apps and dating? Where are you out of sync? Refocus your attention on the things that you neglected. Do things that make you feel happy regularly and surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.
- Resilience: Be more intentional when you re-download the apps—date smarter, not harder. You don’t have to keep up with all the conversations at the same time. Our brains can’t focus on too many things at once. Focus on two to nine people at a time then move on to the next group when things don’t work out. Take your time, take breaks in between every few set of groups if you have to. Remember that dating is a marathon, not a sprint. Most importantly, don’t neglect yourself and pay attention to cues that you are overwhelmed or unhappy.
Dating apps are a great way for us to take control of our love life, but sometimes they can blind us from the reality that love happens when it’s supposed to. Perhaps we’re not finding love because it’s not meant to happen for us in our current chapter. This doesn’t mean it won’t happen at all, only that it may be more productive to channel our energy elsewhere and surrender control.
"Remember that dating is a marathon, not a sprint"
Remember that dating is supposed to be fun so if it starts to feel like a chore, take a step back and focus on you. Redirecting your energy towards yourself and away from the pursuit of love may just be the ingredient you need to make yourself more attractive and receptive to love.
Looking for love or a companion? Why not try Reader's Digest Dating
Read more: How to vet your dates on video
Keep up with the top stories from Reader's Digest by subscribing to our weekly newsletter