Can understanding your "erotic blueprint" transform your sex life?

Many of us are taught that sex is simple; you connect one sexual port to another long enough and boom…multiple orgasms, each the intensity of a million suns. This couldn’t be further from the truth.  

Sex is grossly oversimplified, often at the expense of women. This oversimplification not only leaves a lot of women sexually unsatisfied, but also feeling as though they’re defective for not craving sex as often as men do, or for not achieving an orgasm as easily.  

Men who date women may also feel frustrated, believing that women who don’t crave sex as often or don’t achieve orgasms as easily as they do are frigid. But the real issue is so much deeper than that.  

If you ask most people what the issues pertaining to their sex lives are, the number one issue they’ll bring up is a mismatch in sexual desire. While this might ring true for some, often the biggest issue is a mismatch in erotic blueprints.

Erotic blueprints are a concept coined by Miss Jaiya, a somatic sexologist best known for her appearance on Netflix’s Sex, Love & Goop, a series on the sexual health and intimacy of couples. 

Miss Jaiya asserts that there are five erotic blueprints—aka five sex languages—and that everyone has their own unique blueprint. These blueprints act as a guide into your own—as well as your partner’s—sexual wiring and help you cultivate a satiating sex life. 

Understanding your sexual blueprint can transform your sex life

It’s not uncommon for couples to have different blueprints. In fact, plenty of couples experience a mismatch. Similar to love languages, one person’s main blueprint is often the other person’s least desired or preferred blueprint, and vice versa. 

The five erotic blueprints are energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky and shape-shifter.  

Energetic

The energetic blueprint is characterised by tease, anticipation and space. People with an energetic blueprint enjoy the build-up of sex. They may enjoy being teased throughout the day, concepts like tantric sex or synchronised breathing, being undressed by their partner’s eyes, and receiving dirty text messages.  

Basically, they require their engines to be warmed up. People with an energetic blueprint can easily be turned off by someone who dives into sex headfirst and being overly stimulated. 

Sensual 

The sensual blueprint is characterised by the stimulation of the five senses. People with a sensual blueprint typically enjoy a careful curated scene—a clean room, scented candles, with rose petals on the bed. They may also enjoy anticipation and a sensual massage.

The sensual blueprint involves stimulation of the senses 

They are usually turned off by unpleasant odours and a cluttered space; anything that assaults their senses. 

Sexual

The sexual blueprint is what we’re all familiar with because it is characterised by the things we see in the media. Sex for those with this blueprint is primal and to the point, and may involve porn consumption.

They like to keep things simple and go straight to pound town. They can be turned off by, or fail to understand, why there’s a need for convoluted concepts like synchronised breathing. 

Kinky 

The kinky blueprint is characterised by things that are taboo. Taboo in this case is subjective, it doesn’t have to entail chains and whips if that’s not what you’re into. 

It’s also important to note that there is a psychological and physical aspect of the kinky blueprint. The psychological aspect involves fantasies, role-play, and dirty talk. The physical aspect involves toys, pain for pleasure, rough sex and safe and consensual restraints. 

Shape-shifter

Finally, the shape-shifter blueprint is characterised by a desire/need for all of the previous four blueprints. Shape-shifters are typically unaware of their need for all four blueprints because they are good at matching their partner’s blueprint, and unaware of the shape-shifter blueprint in general.  

Incorporating all four blueprints can look like draping the room with rose petals and scented candles, caressing the edges of your partner’s body and working your way to their sweet spot, massaging their genitals, and exploring one of your sexual fantasies. 

Understanding each other's erotic blueprint can help strengthen your relationship

Erotic blueprints are not only a great way to gain insight into your partner’s or your own sexual wiring but are also a great way to enhance the quality of your sex life. Many people think the key to better sex is trying out adventurous positions or having sex in various taboo locations, but this isn’t always necessary. Simply being aware of your blueprint and your partner’s blueprint, and finding a way to meet both of your needs is enough. 

But don’t just take my word for it, take the test and discover your erotic blueprint and see if it changes how you conceptualise and approach sex.

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