How to deal with a dating addiction

In the past decade the dating landscape has changed beyond all recognition. With the arrival of dating apps such as Tinder over 12 years ago, dating has never been more accessible, widespread and hotly debated. Yet with seven in ten British people claiming dating addiction has damaged their mental health, how can we get back to enjoying dates in a positive way? 

Dating behaviours have changed significantly with 45 per cent of people finding dates online rather than in real life—and dating can be a highlight in many single people’s lives. Whether it’s the spark of chemistry with a new partner, or the chance to meet new people, dating can be an excellent way to socialise and spend time. With the potential for “happy hormones” such as oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine to play in, dating can be pleasurable, exciting—and addictive.  

Is thinking about dating controlling and taking over your everyday life? Is your ability to function affected by your thoughts on dating, going on dates or your need to find your next date? Compulsively thinking about dating can be one of the first signs that you’re addicted to dating—and that you feel as though you can’t live without it.

For those using online apps, it’s not uncommon to find potential daters spending up to three to four hours per day looking at potential dates. When this behaviour becomes a habit, the step to dating addiction becomes minimal, and you can quickly end up feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope.

A great date can boost your mood and make you feel like a million dollars. Yet you should be able to carry out your day-to-day life even after a bad date or a dating disappointment. Low mood and irritability can be expected after a break-up with someone you liked or if your communication fizzles out—yet when you’re addicted to dating, your ability to cope is hindered.

Those suffering from dating addiction may experience feelings of depression or anxiety when they don’t have an upcoming date scheduled or may simply be unable to face a day without at least one date prearranged.

For many people, going on a night out, being invited to a party or joining a new club or group is a brilliant time for scouting out potential dates. If you’re single, it’s entirely natural to consider these new opportunities as a chance to talk to people you wouldn’t normally interact with or better get to know someone you’ve admired from afar.

A sign that you’re becoming addicted to dating, however, is when you lose perspective on the bigger picture—and constantly seek out dates everywhere you go. Some people may become so set on seeking out dates that they will find someone they may not be physically or emotionally attracted to and ask to date them simply to feed their addiction.

Getting help for addiction is important—regardless of what you’re addicted to. Dating addiction can be treated in a similar way to other addictions, including sex addiction, alcohol and drugs.

Dealing with addiction isn’t easy, and it’ll require time, patience and commitment from you—yet it can be life-changing, and many people reap the rewards of freeing themselves from negative cycles of behaviour that simply don’t serve them well.

To deal with dating addiction, you might consider:

Dating addiction is increasingly common, and if you’re already recognising it as an issue for you, you’ve taken a huge step on your road to recovery.

While it’s clear that online dating isn’t going anywhere, it’s essential to start to understand how you can manage your approach to it and ensure you form healthy and happy relationships long term.