How to be a perfect kisser

Reader's Digest Editors

When you kiss your beloved you want him to say, “Wow!” not, “Eewww!” Your date might be too polite to tell you that your technique could use some work. Here are a few things to ponder as you lean in for a smooch…

You’re not kissing you

how to kiss

Romantic partners are always prone to one particular error. They project their own tastes and desires onto the object of their desire.

Your partner is different from you and likes different things, which is, after all, part of the attraction. Kissing can be complicated because men and women report that they like different things. (Your partner is, of course, an individual, not simply a member of his or her gender, so personal preferences may vary.)

This means, assuming you will be kissing each other, that there will have to be some empathy, imagination, and compromise at work.

Read more: Are you a good kisser?

 

Men are from Mars, women are from all over the place

how to kiss

A woman’s area of kissing pleasure is, generally speaking, more diffuse than a man’s. Many women love to be kissed on the neck and ears, not just the lips.

Men often find this hard to believe because the same kisses do nothing for them. A woman who loves to be kissed on the neck will undoubtedly assume everyone loves it just as much as she does. She will behave accordingly. While she is kissing his neck with gusto, his lips are getting cold, and he is getting bored.

According to William Cane—who surveyed more than 100,000 people on the subject for his book The Art of Kissing—if you ask women what the biggest kissing error is, they will tell you that it is an overly enthusiastic tongue. Women do not like it when a guy uses his tongue like a dart or flicks it in and out of her mouth like a snake. Scientists speculate that when a man is trying to get his tongue in a woman’s mouth, it is in an unconscious attempt to transfer testosterone to her and increase her sex drive. It’s nature.

Men, on the other hand, are more likely to say that the biggest mistake women make is not opening their mouths wide enough. These two facts taken together paint a clear picture. He wants a passionate French kiss, and she wants him to rein in his tongue activity.

Read more: 10 Best movie kisses

 

Meet in the middle

how to improve kissing technique

So what is the solution to this conundrum? Variety.

A combination of soft lip and tongue kisses and kisses on the neck (for her) will produce the most satisfying results.

Foster closeness with your partner by kissing often, without seeing sex as the ultimate goal. Couples who engage in more nonsexual kissing report greater relationship intimacy and less stress.