How to make big life changes and set new goals

Big birthdays invariably bring bad jokes about reading glasses and life insurance, but they also prompt people to take stock of who and where they are in life. Ditto such seismic changes as divorce, the death of a loved one, or a health scare. 

But there's no reason to wait for a milestone to have an "aha" moment. Periodically taking a step back from your daily routine and engaging in some self-reflection can help you make sense of your place in the world: Is who you've become who you want to be? 

To discover (or maybe just reboot) your true self—no matter where you are in your journey—try these techniques. 

Credit: yacobchuk

When you do, you might realise that you don't like what you see. It can be discouraging to realise you aren't where you want to be in life, but don't use that excuse to stay stuck where you are. 

The same with the notion that your problems are everyone else's fault, from the bus driver who drove away before you got to the bus (even though you slept through your alarm and left the house late) or having nothing to wear to an important work meeting (even though your smartest shirt has been sat in the laundry basket for over a week). 

Take ownership for the person you are, commit yourself to making some possibly scary changes, and be prepared to wing it when it comes to mapping out the new you. 

Loren Slocum, author of Life Tuneups: Your Personal Plan to Find Balance, Discover Your Passion, and Step into Greatness, says, "There are no rules for what success looks like." 

One reason you may feel you're losing touch with yourself is that you're too busy taking care of the needs of everyone else in your life. Keep a diary of the way you spend your time for a week; account for everything. 

When you look at how your days are divvied up, you might realise how little is left for you. The solution? Delegate, outsource, and give stuff up if you have to. Then follow through with what life coach John Assaraf, author of The Secret, calls the "art of GOYA—getting up off your a** and doing it!" 

Schedule time on your calendar to reacquaint yourself with your passions. Go back to interests and activities you've neglected, whether that's painting watercolours or participating in a book group. And take an hour a week just to think about your personal goals and to strategise how you will meet them. 

Slocum actually sets her phone alarm to remind herself to keep pushing towards big and small goals. (Her daily 9:00am text message to herself: "Breathe.") "Write something short—no longer than a tweet," she says.

"People say they can't focus on their goals because the phone is always going off. Why not use the phone to actually help you meet them instead? Use technology to your advantage." 

Credit: Jacob Wackerhausen

As a young professional, Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, seemed to be in exactly the right place. The former editor in chief of the Yale Law Journal was now clerking for Justice Sandra Day O'Connor—a dream job she'd planned and worked hard for. Then she had an epiphany. 

Amazing as her life was, it wasn't the one she wanted. "One reason I left law was that I [felt] I was...on a tangent, off centre", she writes on her blog. "I can't describe it any other way. There I was, clerking for Justice O'Connor, and I was haunted by a feeling that it was all a digression. From what to what? That's what I had to figure out." 

Once she realised her real dream was to be a writer, her path became clear. Today she's a best-selling author of four books, a blogger whose site attracts nearly 275,000 visitors a month, and a regular contributor to Good Housekeeping and Psychology Today. 

To find the real you, she advises taking "small, concrete steps in your daily life" and checking in with yourself each week to make sure you're heading in the right direction.

"The biggest reason people don't achieve their goals is that they don't stop and take inventory enough," says Slocum. 

Life coach, author and motivational speaker Tony Robbins has said, "Who you surround yourself with is who you become." 

Find a mentor who is willing to counsel you as you strart to switch things up in your life. If you don't have a friend to fill that role, seek out a professional. 

But before you spend money on a life coach, try first reading the autobiography of someone you admire or going on YouTube and lostening to a motivational speaker you've always been curious about, suggests Slocum. It may be all the boost you need. 

And no matter where you find your inspiration, be open to ideas, but listen to your own instincts first and foremost. 

Credit: Image Source

And not the ones who've gotten used to you picking up their dirty socks. We mean pitching in and helping those truly in need. Spend a couple of afternoons a week talking with seniors at an assisted-living residence or handing out sandwiches at a soup kitchen.

A Stanford University study found that something as simple as performing five random acts of kindness a week can improve your mood and your sense of well-being. And when you feel better about yourself, you're more apt to tackle new challenges on the road to self-fulfillment. 

Banner credit: Khosrork

Read more: 4 Ways to get rid of habits that are holding your life back 

Read more: Do you need a life skills course?