When love falls apart, sometimes it can be hard to work out why. Whether fighting over the in-laws or struggling with money, here are the six most common reasons relationships breakdown.
Too many expectations
At the heart of any successful relationship is the inherent desire to spend time with the other person.
It may not always take priority on either side, as other life commitments can take priority. But the urge to share the anecdotes and products of these other commitments with one another should always remain.
It is unfair to expect too much from a partner, as the realities of the day to day can become more demanding. To be there for each other along the way is what counts.
The real self
It is no secret that we will portray a particular, airbrushed version of ourselves in the initial throes of dating. And the honeymoon period is exactly that, a finite episode that will inevitably draw to a close.
It is when we mourn these initial stages and thrust them upon pedestals to gaze at through rose tinted specs, that the potential for a long lasting relationship starts to fade.
It takes at least six months to really get to know someone in all their glorious shades and to cultivate a genuine love for their imperfections, not in spite of them. So-called slow burners will make for a stronger relationship based on deeper trust and compatibility.
Unfortunately, when finances are in disarray, it can uproot some deep-seated issues related to trust, safety, control and survival.
If money problems arise, the issues are so psychosomatic that to associate them with a significant other can seem overwhelming.
It is therefore important to remain level-headed and logical; to be ‘tough with the issue not with the person’. No problem is unbeatable and sometimes all you need is someone on your side to help you through.
Like it or not, a person’s family and upbringing shapes the person they are as a friend, coworker and partner.
Everyone comes with their own unique set of family-shaped baggage and it is a partners job to try their best to understand and love them for it. (Even if their mum thinks your cooking skills are questionable.)
False memory syndrome
Selective or false memory syndrome is something we are all guilty of. We will mythologise past events in an attempt to create the narrative we feel we deserve. Most arguments stem from these fictional slants, rather than the facts they are based on.
We are also victims of blame addiction. When something doesn’t go to plan we like to blame others or ourselves. Although there is customarily a logical solution, we will search for a scapegoat to escape an inconvenient truth.
Introverts and extroverts usually end up together, as one blames the other and the other blames themselves.
Sometimes a relationship isn’t based on two people, but the web of family, friends and colleagues they have spun together.
Often we are guilty of letting others expectations have jurisdiction over our own relationship ideals.
We can’t please all people at all times, and usually all they wish is for you to be happy.
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