How to have sex with back pain

28th Nov 2022 Dating & Relationships

Our resident sex and relationship expert Monica Karpinski shares advice for how to have sex when dealing with back pain

See your GP

First things first: if the pain is affecting your day-to-day life, I’d recommend speaking with your doctor about treatments and stretches that could help. 

Try out different positions

Otherwise, certain positions and types of support may make things easier in the bedroom. What works best for you will depend on the nature of your pain: where exactly is it and do certain movements make it worse?

"Certain positions and types of support may make things easier in the bedroom"

The answers to these questions should give you some idea of which positions will cause pain, and therefore which ones to avoid. For example, if your back hurts when arched, you might want to try positions where you’re lying down and can keep it straight. 

If you are lying down flat, say in missionary position, you could support your lower back by putting a rolled towel or pillow under it. You could put your knees up for extra stability or put pillows under them when you’re lying down to take pressure off the back.

Doggy style is sometimes recommended for people who have pain when they bend forwards. On all-fours, you can use your hands and knees for support and to keep your back stable. Be mindful that if you drop to your elbows you’ll bend forward.

Communicate with your partner

These precautions might sound like they’re taking the fun out of sex, but there’s no reason why they have to. Going slow and telling your partner what’s working for you can be a very sexy thing! Try to focus on the pleasurable sensations of touch and intimacy, rather than getting fixated on what could go wrong. But if things start to get too painful, stop—it’s not worth the injury.

"Going slow and telling your partner what’s working for you can be a very sexy thing!"

Once you’ve got some idea of positions that are comfortable, you can experiment with different types of touch and play. For example, you could stimulate different erogenous zones, like your fingertips or inner thighs. 