How to put the sizzle back in your sex life
8th Feb 2022 Dating & Relationships
There are lots of reasons couples make love less often—but many of the issues, both emotional and physical, can be overcome
Take time to talk. Sex is all about communication, so make sure you actually speak to each other. It’ll help you get close and stay close.
Set aside 15 minutes, preferably every day, when you can chat about anything other than children, work, money and other matters that are guaranteed to be a massive turn-off.
Talk about the dream you had last night, an article you’ve read, that lovely neighbour you saw.
Let your partner do the same. Tell your partner two things you love about them. Respect and mutual affection are a strong foundation for an active sex life.
Check your meds. Guess how many medicines cause problems getting an erection or mustering interest in sex. Give up? It’s more than 200, including some blood pressure tablets, heart pills, anti-depressants, and drugs for stomach problems and an enlarged prostate.
So, if you’re concerned that your meds are spoiling your fun, ask your pharmacist or GP. You may be able to change the brand, dose or timing, but don’t stop taking them on your own initiative.
Ditch bad habits. Smoking can diminish your libido and your performance. It fills your body with carbon monoxide, which reduces production of testosterone, the hormone mainly responsible for sex drive in both men and women. It’s also thought nicotine can have a negative effect on your ability to get turned on.
Alcohol is a party-pooper too—brewer’s droop is actually a thing, while women might have lubrication problems or inability to orgasm. Giving up smoking and cutting alcohol to the recommended 14 units will help your health and your sex life.
"Respect and mutual affection are a strong foundation for an active sex life"
Gents: seek help for erectile dysfunction. Emotional problems can stop you getting an erection, but so can common medical conditions, including clogged arteries, heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes.
Being overweight can cause trouble too. The sooner you see your doctor, the sooner you can get to the root of the issue and find a solution.
Ladies: do your pelvic floor exercises. Stop sniggering—exercises to strengthen pelvic floor muscles really do work on several levels. Not only do they tighten muscles “down there” after childbirth and help prevent incontinence, but they also tone the pubococcygeus muscle, essential for orgasm.
To do pelvic floor—or Kegel—exercises, contract the muscle you use to stop urinary flow and gradually release it. Build up to 20 contractions three times a day.
Get physical. Exercise has been shown to lift libido. Any activity—whether it’s running, cycling, brisk walking or a team sport—that raises your heart rate and leaves you puffed can boost blood flow, including to your sex organs.
Men get stronger erections and, according to a University of Texas study, women get more sexually aroused.
Have sex tonight. Yes, it’s true—the more you get it, the more you want it. Making love regularly increases the production of testosterone.
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