What we want from films in 2018

Chances are, you have your own list of resolutions (good luck!) but we know that some people haven't, especially those involved with "the movies"—why else do they keep doing the same stuff year after year? Being kindly and helpful, we thought we'd make some resolutions on their behalf: the world (or films, at least) can only be a better place if they heed them...

Action heroes in recent years—and yes, J. Bond, Esq., we are looking at you in particular—have been a mopey old bunch, as though they'd rather be in their bedroom listening to The Smiths than out saving the world.

So, their resolution is simple—cheer up. Enjoy yourselves. Watch some of the old Errol Flynn flicks, or Douglas Fairbanks and see how much fun it is zapping baddies and getting the girl.

The war, of course, is over and has been for several years now. But there are parts of the British film industry that don't seem to have noticed since every year brings yet more stories from the years of aerial bombardment and powdered egg.

It's probably asking too much for the British film industry to give up making films about The War completely but maybe cut it back a bit, eh chaps? Take down the blackout blinds for a bit and see if there aren't any more recent stories that catch your attention, and only go back to playing soldiers if you really have to.

 

If you don't get it right first time, then leave it alone and move on to something new: there's no shortage of great ideas out there, after all. It's not like anyone's forcing you to try yet another version of The Fantastic Four...

 

She is the queen of the Art Houses, the French superstar who makes dozens of films every year (at least). While we appreciate her work ethic, we can't but help worry—you shouldn't stretch yourself like this, Isabelle! Slow down! Why not make only seven or eight films a year? Learn to say "non" to scripts. And what about doing something a bit different to your usual icy fare—how about waiting for a call from Adam Sandler or something?

 

This one's a no-brainer—Dafoe gives a lovely turn as a firm-but-fair caretaker in The Florida Project, so you've probably decided to vote for him anyway. (It would be great if you could give little Brooklynn Prince a nod for the same film—one of the best kiddie performances EVER).

And while we're on the subject of Oscars...

 

Yes, it's tough and yes, you might be tempted to ignore it on your special day but you know you have to confront the big black cloud hanging over Hollywood. Don't wimp out, now.

 

After the success of Wonder Woman, we're probably going to get a whole load of female-fronted action films. If you're working on one of them, though, how about making sure that the leading lady can do more than kick "ass"? Write her a character, in other words. And once you've done that for her, make sure the men are properly rounded too. And if you want to abandon the whole superhero thing and do something with feelings and emotions instead, don't let us stop you.

 

Krull is a British fantasy film from 1983 with Bernard Breslaw from the Carry On films playing a cyclops, and well loved by those of us of a certain age: it's possibly going a little far to say that it's the single greatest artistic achievement in the history of our species but let's be honest—did Shakespeare ever think to have Bernard Breslaw from the Carry On films playing a cyclops? No, he did not.

It remains unavailable on Blu-ray in its native land. This must be remedied forth with!

 

Oh, go on. The outrage would be hilarious.

 

This one's easy—don't just stick to the tried and true. There are hundreds—thousands—of worthwhile films beyond the Hollywood mainstream that deserve to be seen. It's not like it's a hardship either—there's a lot of stuff to enjoy out there, and much of it is loads better than the latest multiplex fodder.

And as for us, we resolve to keep helping you find them. Our pleasure.