5 Ways to set yourself free as a middle-aged woman

As a woman it is easy to get caught up in the doing; the jobs, the childcare, the chores, the expectations and it can often be the role we fall into, our go-to behaviour that has become inherent for generations.

When life gets busy we can overlook the value of our efforts in the workplace or in the home, forgetting to notice and value the way we enrich the lives of those around us. When we see ourselves as just mother, housekeeper, cook, social secretary, taxi driver, administrator we can find we are short-changing ourselves—who we are and what we believe we are capable of.

If this sounds like you, let’s be clear, it is not a “you” problem but a challenge within our society and culture. We naturally fall into particular ways of being; it doesn’t mean though that it is always how it needs to be and modern life makes it hard to step into your “I am” strength and sturdiness as a woman, especially when laden down with all that comes with midlife.

Self-kindness is often the last place we go to when we notice something about ourselves we want to change. Yet, when we bring in self-kindness, be it a kind word, gesture, or self-compassion for how we are, then we allow ourselves to connect into something other than fear within us—we connect into love.

When we look at accepting ourselves with kindness and still want to change, a funny thing happens inside, we become more able to make that change, because we are being our own ally and we are more able to make choices to help ourselves. 

Try this: Take a moment, maybe put your hand on your heart and say something kind to yourself, this may feel hard, even ridiculous but stick with it. My go to is reassurance "You’re finding it hard, because it is hard, you’re OK". What can yours be?

Showing up differently in life, always starts with knowing what is going on within you and this gives you the chance to make a conscious choice on how to respond. It is really hard to be sturdy in who you are and confident in what you can bring to life when you’re not connected to the strength and wisdom within. This strength and wisdom is always there, but often we are pulled outwards to look for that strength, not inwards.

Start daily to pay attention to what you are feeling inside, even for a minute. What thoughts and beliefs are on repeat? Are they helping you? Bringing awareness to our thoughts and beliefs gives us the chance to choose another thought or belief to hold onto.

We may have even passed the busy stage of life and feel with that passing, our sense of purpose has also gone. This can make it hard to see what value we bring and when placed in new situations or opportunities, we can feel the fear inside questioning our abilities.

If this speaks to you, start noticing the value you bring, notice it and allow yourself to see the ripples of good you are making. When we see what we do and how we enrich the lives around us, we show up differently and from this, others start valuing us more too as we come across differently.

As women we are often led to believe we are not to trust ourselves and instead to look externally for validation and the answers. Today, notice when you go outside yourself for answers and instead, close your eyes and ask your heart “what is the way forward?” Listen to what comes up. Trusting ourselves starts bit by bit over time.

When we pay attention to our inner voice, the one that’s almost a whisper and speaks from a place of love. When we follow our curiosity, when we follow the whispers of our heart, then we start developing a confidence in how we show up because we are going inside—not outside—for the answers.

Often woman find themselves showing up from a place of being apologetic. Stand up and put yourself in your body posture of confidence. This maybe; standing tall, feet rooted and allow yourself to breathe this in. Go into your confidence posture whenever you feel you are underselling you.

We can all change how we show up in the world from underselling to sturdiness and strength by listening to our inner world and honouring our own truth and wisdom. Each and every one of us has something to bring to this world. When we listen to ourselves we find the sturdiness and strength to shine brightly.