How to cope with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is an emotional condition that is triggered by real or perceived rejection, and it is commonly associated with ADHD. ADHD is linked to a 30 per cent developmental delay in executive functioning skills, rooted in challenges with emotional regulation. Extreme emotional pain can be extremely dangerous when combined with increased impulsivity, as evidenced by the five times higher risk of suicide linked with ADHD.

For me, RSD feels like an overwhelming rush of emotion that overloads your system so much that you just want to turn it off in any way you can. It can feel like the world has ended because of objectively very "small" issues, like making a mistake, yet you can’t stop beating yourself up for being ridiculous.

Though RSD lasts for a limited period of time, increased impulsivity and hyperactivity mean we can majorly self-sabotage our lives very quickly—including quitting jobs and ending relationships. We can’t stop the waves of RSD emotion from coming, but we can learn how to surf them.

Learning about RSD enables us to "name it to tame it", helping us to understand how it shows up for us and to accept this as part of our ADHD. Having a label for these intense experiences enables us to step out of the emotional vortex, identify what’s happening, and communicate this to others.

Ultimately, this empowers us to take responsibility for it, such as by requesting reasonable adjustments at work to mitigate triggering situations like having feedback provided in writing or agendas for meetings. Understanding how RSD is linked to ADHD can help you to stop invalidating your own experiences, and to instead start treating yourself with compassion. 

Although the most intense experiences of RSD may not happen all the time, this can still impact our lives on a day-to-day basis with a subconscious determination to avoid it. This may manifest in ways such as people pleasing, masking, decision paralysis, perfectionism and social anxiety. One in three people say RSD is the hardest part about having ADHD—it can have a severe impact on our self-esteem. 

If you’ve met one person with ADHD, you’ve met one person with ADHD, so everyone’s experience of RSD will also be different. Identifying how RSD shows up for you, what triggers you, and what helps you to manage it is very helpful, as can linking this back to any day-to-day challenges, such as procrastination. 

Creating an RSD action plan and sharing this with others can help you to prepare in advance. Make a list of things that make you feel happy and secure, and try to increase your accessibility to these things, while reducing the number of triggers, such as deleting social media apps from your phone.

Experiencing RSD can feel like having a radio station blasting a soundtrack of what a terrible person you are, but you can learn how to change the station. Tuning into your thoughts, questioning whether these are true, and finding proof for alternative beliefs can be extremely helpful to reframe your RSD.

You can also consider what you’d do if the worst-case scenario actually happened. Experiencing RSD can make you highly resilient—and it will pass. Distract yourself and try to avoid making any big decisions until then! 

In the long-term, it’s vital to have strong support systems who understand RSD and can help you to build your self-esteem. ADHD coaching can offer expertise support for RSD, and therapy can help you to process your emotions. Activities such as journalling and yoga can also be very helpful for us to slow down.

Talking to your friends and family about what you experience is important and can foster stronger connections. Experiencing RSD ourselves means we’re often highly compassionate towards others, as we understand how painful rejection can feel. Other people care about you regardless of your "mistakes", and it’s a gift to allow them to be there for you.

Rejection is an unavoidable part of life, but you can take steps to decrease how debilitating RSD can feel. Experiencing RSD is not your fault and is nothing to be ashamed of. Having strong emotions means you’re human, and you care, which is a great quality to have. When channelled effectively, this energy can also be a great source of passion and creativity.

Ultimately, owning your RSD means actively taking responsibility for your emotions and actions by looking after yourself. Being kind to yourself is far more effective than beating yourself up—give it a try!