What your flight attendant won't tell you

Put your carry-on in a full overhead bin, leave it sticking out six inches, then take your seat at the window and wait for someone else (me!) to come along and solve the problem you just created.

Our rules really say we aren’t allowed to lift your luggage into the overhead bin for you, though we can “assist.”

But stealing a beer, cursing out passengers, and jumping out of a plane is not the way to handle it.

You disarm an unruly passenger by introducing yourself, asking his name, and saying something like “I’ve been incredibly nice to you for three hours. Why are you treating me like this?”

Generally that gets the other passengers on your side—and sometimes they’ll even applaud.

The answer is always yes. Do you think what goes into the toilet just dumps out onto the tarmac?

No one likes to be poked, but it’s even worse on the plane because you’re sitting down and we’re not, so it’s usually in a very personal area.

You would never grab a waitress if you wanted ketchup or a fork, would you?

The passengers all think they’re in first class even if they’re not. They don’t do what we ask.

bells, and more bells, please look to see if it’s your child playing with the flight attendant call bell.

Just push.

If you have a baby, bring nappies If you’re diabetic, bring syringes. If you have high blood pressure, don’t forget your medication.

That way, I’m not trying to make a diaper out of a sanitary pad and a pillowcase or asking over the intercom if someone has a spare inhaler.

Or see us running around with oxygen, defibrillators, and first aid kits, that’s not the right time to ask for a blanket or a Diet Coke.

Or your kid’s fully loaded nappy? I’ll be right back with gloves.

So don’t clip your toenails, snore with wild abandon, or do any type of personal business under a blanket!

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