5 Tips for people in new romantic relationships

Getting into a new relationship can be a fun and thrilling experience. Between the butterflies and the long passionate nights, you can’t seem to get enough of each other. But unfortunately, most relationships fail within the first year because of mistakes that can be easily avoided.

As a Relationship and Breakup Coach, I have helped thousands of couples navigate through the complexities of their love life. Doing the things I am about to name, can help strengthen your relationship and build the foundation for a healthy future. 

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The first vital step that directly impacts longevity, is to talk to your partner about what love looks like for you. It’s important not only to know what your receiving love language is, but also to give details and examples. Don’t assume your partner will figure it out on their own. Communication is the foundation of a healthy and happy relationship, and the assumption is the fastest path to the destruction of one.

It is more important to show the person love in the way they best receive it than to pour love towards them in the way you best give it. For example, if your love language is acts of service and your partner’s is words of affirmation, then you can pour your love into them through your love language, but their love cup won’t feel full. This is why it’s vital to show them love in their love language as well as the one you naturally give. 

You and your partner’s needs equally matter, which is why the next thing I have my new couples do is create a list of what your needs and expectations are within the bounds of a relationship. Don’t gaslight yourself into feeling like you’re asking for too much, just because you’re not asking for the bare minimum.

Doing this also allows the one you are with to know exactly what your desires are, without having to play a guessing game. This will impact the longevity of the relationship.

The third thing I am about to name is something I see destroys relationships if it is not done. It is crucial that you and your partner talk about what your boundaries are within monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, or polyamory. Don’t assume because you both align with the label, that you see eye-to-eye on all things. So often I see couples at the brink of breaking up because one person feels they were disrespected or cheated on, while the other person believes they did nothing wrong.

Ask your partner, “What does cheating look like for you?” Get and give as many details as you can when it comes to this matter. More questions you can ask looks like this: “Do you see strip clubs as cheating? What does flirting look like for you? Is touching okay? OnlyFans? Going to bars alone? Dating websites? What does exclusivity look like for you?”

Remember that monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, and polyamory are all on a spectrum. There are many different versions of the same thing. Talk to your partner about both of your boundaries around this subject and what respect within a relationship looks like.

Another topic new couples don’t discuss, but should, is what they need in an argument. Do you need space? If so, what does that look like for you? Do you need to work it out immediately? Do you need to do something like take a walk first? Do you need a day to calm down but want to be around this person? Alone time? If so, how long? What does a healthy argument look like for you and what are your boundaries around arguments? What are your triggers?

If you and your partner have opposite needs then talk about your needs when you are both in a good place and figure out what meeting in the middle looks like.

A relationship can thrive so long as those involved are willing to put in the work to keep it healthy and communicate needs.

I have seen many couples who are still head over heels in love with their partner, even after 40+ years of marriage, because they never stopped putting in the effort and they navigated through the relationship as a team.

Angelika Koch is a Relationship Expert and Break-Up Expert at Taimi, a fully inclusive LGBTQ+ dating app. She's a Master Certified Life Coach, Certified Relationship Coach, and Certified Mediation Instructor and the author of the book The A***ole Pandemic: A Field Guide To ID'ing, Deleting, and Healing From Toxic Relationships