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How to tell if your partner's lost interest (and how to win them back)


1st Jan 2015 Dating & Relationships

How to tell if your partner's lost interest (and how to win them back)

It's the situation we all fear: drifting apart from a loved one. It can happen for a number of reasons and can be very upsetting, but it's recoverable. We've compiled a handy guide to work out if this is happening to you.

1. They stop paying you compliments

If your partner has stopped complimenting you and giving you their normal amount of affection and praise, it may suggest they have begun to take you for granted, or that the initial excitement of the relationship has finally worn off. 


2. They spend less time at home

Coming home to your partner after a long day's work is supposed to be comforting and something to look forward to. If you notice your partner is frequently working longer hours or going out more with friends, it might be that they are no longer excited about coming home to you. 


3. You stop having sex

Let's face it, sex is a core element of most people's relationships, and we draw comfort and validation from knowing our partner finds us sexually attractive and enjoys sleeping with us. If you notice there's been a lot less activity between the sheets than is normal for you, it may suggest something's going wrong.


4. You talk less

If you live together, it's inevitable you talk to each other every day, but if you notice your conservations are becoming confined to just small talk and pleasantries, rather than exciting, intimate discussions, it might signal you are not connecting as well with each other any more. Our partner is supposed to be the first person we tell when we have exciting or dramatic news; if your partner has stopped confiding in you, it suggests something is a little off. 


Get the interest back!

What do you do if you identify with any of the above? The most important thing, above all else, is to communicate. If you suspect your partner's feelings have changed, sit down with them and ask them directly how they feel and what you can do to make them feel better.

Now is a good time for both of you to raise any grievances you have against each other, and talk honestly and openly about how to improve your relationship. It might be, sadly, that the relationship has to end, but more often than not, it simply needs more communication and a little reinvigoration, perhaps through the introduction of date nights, for example.

Once you've had this conversation, commit to having more like it regularly. If both of you lead busy lives, it's easy to become like ships in the night, rarely talking deeply about your feelings or the state of your relationship. Resolve to spend time together (just the two of you) at least once a week - cook a nice meal, or go to a nice restaurant. Watching TV together or seeing friends doesn't count; it's important that you give each other your undivided attention.

If your sex life is suffering, try out new things in the bedroom together, too. It helps to think back to the early days of your relationship. Think about how exciting it was, and how keen you were to impress your partner, and try to bring that thrill back by making a real effort with your appearance, your conversation and the amount of attention you give them.

Every day you should remind yourselves of why you fell in love in the first place. Good luck!


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