60 second stand-up

We chatted to sardonic-yet-sensitive soul Sam Simmons

What’s your favourite of your own jokes?

Imagine you’re just walking down the street one day and a hamburger appears mid-air. You bite into the hamburger—and the next thing you know, you’re on the moon. Is that what it’s like for fish we when we go fishing?It’s a philosophical joke.


What’s the best part of your current tour or set?

There’s a bit where I have a beer on stage with the audience—that feels really good.


Have you found any parts of the country to be funnier than others on your tours?

Extreme north and extreme south are good. The middle’s a bit weird—but being Australian, I’m exotic.


What’s your most memorable heckle experience?

On one occasion, I hadn’t even got to the microphone when someone shouted out, “Oh no! A bald c***!” I just thought, How are the musings of a bald man going to be any worse than the musings of a man with hair? 


Who’s your comedy inspiration?

My mother. She’s a very difficult woman: bitter, twisted and generally propped up by peach-coloured, U-shaped pillows devouring Danielle Steel novels. She’s the funniest person I’ve ever met in my life.


If you were a fly, who’s wall would you be on?

If I were a time-travelling fly, I’d spy on the Rat Pack. I think Sinatra might have been a very, very bad man.


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