Waiter! Waiter! Must be Food Jokes

A selection of food themed jokes. Think yours are funnier? Let us know.


As a child, I had an obsession with Posh Spice. It cost my mum a fortune in saffron.

- from Chris Turner, comedian 

I’ve got some good advice for the camera shy—use coconuts instead

- seen on the internet

I went to a restaurant and ordered a baby roast chicken. They gave me a burnt egg.

- from Piff the Magic Dragon, comedian

I went to the grocer’s today and picked up an iceberg lettuce. I said to the shop assistant, 'Why is it that these just seem to be getting smaller and smaller?' 'Global warming,' he replied.

- seen on the internet

I’m 33, but this year I got ID’d buying fine wine in Marks & Spencer. The guy said, 'Have you got any proof you’re over 18?' I said, 'Yes, I’m in Marks & Spencer.'

- from Mark Watson, comedian