A young, inexperienced bank robber gets caught during his first stick-’em-up and ends up in court. Crucial evidence—including CCTV recordings from the bank lobby—has gone missing. After weeks of deliberation, cross-examinings, conflicting witness statements, a hung jury and a huge deal of frustration, the young man is found not guilty. As the foreman states the verdict, the rather lucky defendant pipes up, 'Does that mean I can keep the money?'
- from Robert Bluck, Birmingham
My friend left his laptop on the floor of my room. My gran thought it was a scale. Conclusion: my gran weighs £950.
- seen at awesomephilia.com
The president of Coca-Cola puts in a call to Russian president Vladimir Putin. 'Mr Putin, I notice you’ve changed the Russian anthem. Do you have any plans to change the flag as well and return to the previous purely red flag? If you’d put a Coca-Cola trademark in the corner, we’d solve all your financial woes for the next five years.' Putin puts the call on hold and asks his underlings, 'Hey, when does our contract with Aquafresh end?'
- seen at ahajokes.com
Tom’s wife was delighted when he told her he’d finally secured a job in the local bowling alley. 'Ten pin?' she asked. 'No', replied Tom, 'I think it’s permanent.'
- from Roy Berry, Lancashire
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs...They always take things literally.
- seen on Reddit