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60 Second Stand Up: Phil Hammond

60 Second Stand Up: Phil Hammond

We had an appointment with funny physician Dr Phil Hammond...

Do you have a favourite joke?

Laughter is always the best medicine. Unless you have syphilis, in which case it’s penicillin.

 

Have you found any parts of the country funnier than others?

Someone gave me a urine sample in Canterbury. I diagnosed a urine infection. She came to a comedy gig and left with a prescription.

 

What's your favourite one-liner?

My late friend Miles Kington used to say, “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put one in a fruit salad.”

 

Any memorable heckles?

I was performing in a double act called “Struck Off and Die” and someone yelled, “You killed my Ethel.” We used to offer discounts to people whose relatives we’ve [the NHS] killed, so I deserved that one.

 

If you were a fly on the wall whose wall would you be on?

Donald Trump’s disgusting golden lift, although I’d probably suffocate from the smell of his aftershave.

 

If you could have a super power, what would it be?

To be able to point at people and make them instantly kinder. As my Aunt Queenie used to say, “Let compassion be your compass.” Kindness should unite us all.

 

What inspires your comedy?

On stage I can say all of the things I’d like to say to patients in my consultations but have never been brave enough to.

 

 

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