60 Second stand up: Milton Jones

Reader's Digest Editors

We chatted to the king of one-liners, Milton Jones

What's your favourite of your own jokes?

I was walking along the other day and on the road I saw a small, dead baby ghost. Although, thinking about it, it might have been a handkerchief.

 

What's the best part of your current set?

I’m working on a giant costume of Great Britain with a detachable Scottish head. You can probably guess where that’s going…

 

Your most memorable heckle experience?

Once somebody simply shouted, “What is this?” It was such an existential question. Did they mean life? Did they mean the show? What I’d just said? I burst out laughing because it was far too big a question for my small show.

 

Do you have any funny tales about a time you bombed?

I did the Cardiff Retail Awards recently and just before I went on, the organiser said, “You know they don’t speak English, don’t you?” So I did half an hour to the sound guy laughing—and 300 people just staring at me.

 

What's your favourite one liner?

The first job I ever had was washing dishes at an international radar station. The dishes were a lot bigger than I thought they’d be.

 

If you could be a fly on the wall, where would you be?

I’d be there when the man who invented self-defence was knighted by the Queen with a sword.

 

Milton Jones is touring his new show, “Milton Jones Is Out There”, across the UK until December 16. Tickets available at miltonjones.com

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