5 ways to get better at accepting compliments
12th Sep 2023 Inspire
2 min read
It's always nice to receive a compliment, but sometimes it's hard to accept them. Here's how to take a compliment
How did you respond the last time someone said a kind word
about your shoes, or your latest
accomplishment at work? Probably, “Oh, these
beat-up old things?” and “Thanks, but Ann did the
real work.”
Why do we reject praise?
Rejecting praise from others can stop friendships from forming. Credit: Rawpixel
Why do we often balk at praise? “I was brought
up to believe you could get a swelled head if you accepted
a compliment,” says Louise Fox, a Toronto-based
etiquette expert. And maybe it’s part of our
British culture to be humble.
There's a benefit to embracing these kind
words. One US. study found that, among 185 women,
those most insecure about their bodies got a
self-esteem boost from a compliment about their
personality or appearance.
"A study found that those most insecure about their bodies got a self-esteem boost from a compliment"
You’d think we women
would be better at receiving
them, considering how often we exchange them.
“It’s almost a barrage of compliments between
females,” says Peter Wogan, an associate professor
of anthropology at Willamette University in Oregon.
For a 2006 study, Wogan observed 270 compliments
among students, and found most given to
women were about appearance.
Want to get better at accepting compliments?
Try these tips:
1. Keep it simple
Exchanging compliments is a big part of building friendships. Credit: monkeybusinessimages
For a straightforward compliment about your appearance, your
work or your child’s
behaviour, a simple “thank you” will do. If your dress was a sale-rack special
or the meal you cooked
was overdone, resist going into those details.
2. Just accept it
If you always respond to a compliment by offering
one of your own, people may
question your sincerity.
3. Don’t put yourself down
Compliments are a great way to share information. Credit: monkeybusinessimages
If your compliment seems to be asking for information, thank
the giver and
share the recipe for your delicious brownies, or explain
how you uploaded those unique graphics.
"If your compliment seems to be asking for information, share it with the giver "
Make sure that you don’t belittle yourself in the process.
4. Don’t shut down the compliment
Remember: A brush-off is
rude. When you reject a compliment, you’re rejecting the opinion of that person.
5. Perfect your backhand
Compliments can sometimes have a malicious undertone. Credit: Prostock-Studio
How do you deal with a compliment that comes with a dig—like
“You look
so good now that you’ve lost the baby weight!” or
“I really like your haircut; it’s a lot nicer than the
last one”? Try responding with “I’m not sure how
to respond to that,” or “I’m not comfortable with
that.”
"Acknowledge the backhanded nature of the remark, and put the onus back on the other person "
This acknowledges the backhanded nature of
the remark, and puts the onus back on the person
who offered it.
When you get better at the complimenting
dance, it helps you get along with others, and feel
great in the process. A sincere compliment
is a gift. Don’t worry about motives; just accept it
Banner credit: Compliments (JLco - Julia Amaral)
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