How to learn to like yourself

When she was told that she would be confined to a wheelchair at the age of 40, Gail Muller refused to give in. Today, she has walked the legendary Appalachian trail and goes on adventures around the world. In her new book, Do/Hope, Why you should never give up, Muller talks about the importance of hope and how her personal story of survival has taught her to thrive and succeed in life.

In this extract, Muller asks you about your own self-esteem and how to get to a place where your inner feelings match your outer appearance. 

Maybe you haven’t had the chance to pause and take stock of how you’re living recently, or considered how your choices are having an impact on the way you feel. I encourage you to stop and take a look. Use the list below to help:

Do the following things represent your best ‘you’? Do the people you socialise with, the work you do, the relationship you’re in, the clothes you wear represent you? Does the place you live, the things that look like success to you and the friendships you cultivate represent you? 

The energy you put into the community you live in, how you show up for those who are important to you—are they you? Or are they echoes and imprints of school, or your parents who told you that what you liked wasn’t good enough? Are they just ways of living, and things to have, that society tells you that you should have? Or have they been tools of survival that don’t really represent you?

If you can, look inside and try to begin the process of marrying what’s there with what you show the world, and lead yourself kindly forward.

Why don’t you take a second to try this now? Grab your notebook or a scrap of paper:

First, write down 3–5 things that you like about yourself. Your generosity? Your new hair? Your ability to fix anything? Get it down, don’t be shy. Once you have these things on paper, ask yourself if you get to use, flex and show these qualities and skills enough in your life. If not, how can you use and show your favourite bits more in the day-to-day?

Second, write down 3–5 things that made you feel good lately. The sun on your face as you sat in the car after work? The song you heard in the coffee shop that you haven’t listened to for years? The feeling you got when you wrote a poem for your friend’s birthday? Find the things, and then ask yourself what it was about these things that made you feel so good. Were you taking a moment to relax and be present? Were you helping others? Were you tapping into your creativity for the first time in ages? Whatever it is—do more of that.

You need to try to know yourself and then you must cheer for yourself. You must captain your team towards having your best life, and to make that happen you need to know and accept who you are. Then you can authentically, vocally and proudly lead yourself towards your future feeling strong about your goals, because you’ll know they’re authentically linked to your values and your core purposes. And they’re all led by a strong captain: you.

Banner credit: Happy man (Prostock-Studio)