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Glen Matlock: If I Ruled The World

Ian Chaddock

BY Ian Chaddock

7th Mar 2023 Celebrities

Glen Matlock: If I Ruled The World

Former Sex Pistol Glen Matlock has gone on to play with the likes of Blondie, Iggy Pop and Primal Scream. He shares his vision for an ideal world

In an ideal world, everyone would have a little Tannoy system that plays them “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah”, whatever the weather.

When I was a kid, I used to be whisked off to Butlin’s on my holidays with my mum and dad, which was kind of alright, looking back.

In the mornings they used to wake you up for breakfast, if it was sunny, by playing “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah” on the Tannoy, but if it was raining then they’d just give you breakfast.

If it was played to you whatever the weather, it would just put you on the right foot.

A&R people would have to practise ways of saying “no” pleasantly.

If they’re not interested, they would just say that and not keep you waiting around for years.

"I think one of the best inventions for mankind is the mobile phone"

I think one of the best inventions for mankind is the mobile phone, because it’s saved me a lot of time—no longer waiting in all day for a phone call that never comes and instead being able to go out and have a coffee and wait for a phone call that never comes.

If everyone learned to say “no” nicely in a timely fashion, then everyone would know where they stood.

I would go back somehow and never do Brexit in the first place.

I think it’s the most stupid, boneheaded thing that has ever happened to this country. Losing my freedom of movement in Europe is like losing my left arm.

I’m livid and I see no benefit to it whatsoever, apart from a few self-entitled toerags who got their hands in the till.

My concern is that I’m 66 and it will be undone, but will it be undone in my lifetime? I don’t know.

Hands-free on mobile phones in public would be banned.

They tend to be only used like that by the more inconsiderate people in the populace who tend to shout a lot and I wish they didn’t. People can’t hear what you’re saying when they’re wearing earphones and talking, so they just shout louder.

I’ve got a way round that, because if I’m sitting in a café and somebody does that to me, I dig out “What a Mouth” by Tommy Steele and with that they soon get the message.

Everybody would have to travel.

They would find out that people everywhere are pretty much the same, which is what I’ve found. All people want is to be able to put some food on the table, have a few bob in their pocket, look after their family and be able to let off steam without too much of a hindrance.

"I played gigs in the Demilitarised Zone (DMZ) in Korea and in Palestine and the people in both places were lovely"

When people don’t travel, they don’t realise that, and you end up with stupidities like Brexit and wars.

Just before lockdown, I played gigs in the Demilitarised Zone (DMZ) in Korea and in Palestine and the people in both places were lovely. I’m really proud that I did that.

I would have a footman come with me on my travels and it would actually be Harry Secombe.

He would be outside my window and he would play “If I Ruled the World”, and he would have to wear his outfit that he wears in Oliver!. If I ruled the world, somehow I’d be able to have that, surely?

Then, when he’s not singing, he can feed me a few stories of what it was like being in the Goons with Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine.

Everyone would listen to my new album and then form their own opinion.

Either side of and during the lockdowns I made a new record. It’s coming out on Cooking Vinyl and I’m really proud of it.

The most galling thing for a musician is when you do something, then a couple of years later you play a song from it at a gig and someone asks you where it’s from and when you tell them they say, “I never knew you’d put one out”. If I ruled the world, that definitely wouldn’t happen anymore.

Glen Matlock’s new single “Head on a Stick” is out now and the solo album Consequences Coming will be released on April 27, 2023 on Cooking Vinyl, with tour dates as the touring bassist for Blondie to follow

Banner credit: Tina K

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