5 Red flags of romance fraud to be aware of online
BY Jessica Barker
17th Apr 2024 Dating & Relationships
4 min read
With romance fraud and scams on the rise in recent years, here’s how to
spot the signs and avoid being a victim in the digital age
In the digital age, where connections and relationships often blossom
online, the landscape of romance has transformed dramatically. However, this
new era of digital courtship also brings with it risks, particularly from those
looking to exploit the vulnerable for financial gain.
Romance scams have surged in recent years, leaving many victims in their
wake. In 2022, nearly 70,000 Americans alone reported a romance scam, and reported
losses hit $1.3 billion.
"Extending empathy to victims is vital, to remove the stigma and take this crime out of the shadows"
Unfortunately, these statistics
are the tip of the iceberg. Many victims don’t know they’re being scammed, or
they feel a misplaced sense of shame and don’t want to report the crime.
Extending empathy to victims is vital, to remove the stigma and take this crime
out of the shadows.
It is crucial to remember that
the individuals behind these scams are often part of sophisticated criminal
networks, skilled in manipulation and deception. Sometimes, they are forced
into the work themselves, coerced and trained by ruthless gangs. Understanding
and recognising the signs of a scam is your first line of defense against
becoming a victim.
1. Love bombing
One of the most glaring initial red flags of a romance scam is "love
bombing." This tactic involves lavishing someone with excessive adoration
and attention early on in the relationship, often proclaiming love prematurely.
The goal? To manipulate the target into a state of emotional dependency, making
them more susceptible to requests for money or personal information down the
line.
2. Use of gifts
Another strategy employed by scammers involves the use of gifts.
Initially, this may seem like a gesture of affection, but it's a calculated
move to build trust and a sense of obligation. In some cases, scammers will
claim to send a gift that gets “caught up in customs”, with the victim
receiving emails (that look legitimate but really come from the scammers) requiring
the victim to pay supposed fees to release it. This is just one of the ways criminals
can financially exploit their targets in romance fraud.
"Asking for your birthday and address to send a gift is actually to glean your personal information"
Another layer to the use of gifts in romance scams is to harvest the
personal details of victims. The criminals—posing as your love interest—will
ask for your birthday and address, to be able to send you a birthday gift. What
they are really doing is gleaning personal information from you, to use in
identity fraud.
3. Use of pet names
The use of pet names is a third red flag to be alert to. If a new online
love interest consistently refers to you by generic endearments rather than
your name, it could be a strategy to avoid mixing up multiple targets at once.
This approach, which also feeds into the love bombing, is a subtle yet telling
sign of a scam.
4. Avoidance of face-to-face meetings or video calls
Another classic sign of a romance scam is the perpetrator's avoidance of
face-to-face meetings or video calls, often accompanied by a plethora of
excuses (although we need to be aware that this is changing, at least for video
and phone calls, with artificial intelligence tools that increasingly allow
criminals to impersonate other faces and voices).
Whether claiming to be in a secret military location or lamenting
financial barriers to travel, these fabrications serve to maintain the illusion
while avoiding exposure. Many victims find themselves transferring funds to
their online love interest to fund airfare so that they can meet, only to wait
at the airport and find themselves broken-hearted.
5. Financial manipulation and asking for money
Romance scams and fraud are all about exploiting people to gain access to their finances. Credit: Mikhail Nilov
Financial manipulation is the cornerstone of romance scams. Experienced
scammers will bide their time, cultivating what feels like a genuine
relationship before ever mentioning money. The requests might come under the
guise of wanting to visit but lacking the funds for travel, needing help with
medical bills, or having a lucrative investment opportunity they want to share
with you.
"Scammers may not ask for the money directly, putting their victims in a position where they offer it"
The scammers may not ask for the money directly, rather putting their
victims into a position where they find themselves offering it. They even point
their victims to cryptocurrency “investment” websites that look legitimate, but
are actually operated by the criminals themselves.
Emotional and financial impact
The emotional and financial toll of being victimised by a romance scam can
be devastating. People describe experiencing a loss akin to grief, with a
relationship that has not just ended but in fact never existed in the first
place, no matter how real the criminals made it feel. To compound this, there
can be deep financial losses and identity fraud.
It’s essential to remember that seeking connections and trusting others
does not make one foolish; it makes us human. Scammers prey on these very human
traits, using increasingly sophisticated methods, including artificial
intelligence, to enhance their deception.
If you ever find yourself questioning the authenticity of an online connection,
or if the warning signs listed resonate with your experience, it's important to
confide in someone you trust. There's no shame in being the victim of these
schemes, but silence is often the scammer's greatest ally. By raising awareness
and reporting these incidents, we not only protect ourselves but also help
safeguard others in the digital dating world. Awareness and communication are
key defenses in the fight against online romance scams.
Jessica Barker is the author of Hacked: The Secrets Behind Cyber Attacks, published by Kogan Page
Banner: Financial manipulation is at the core of all romance fraud and scams. Credit: Mikhail Nilov
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